Small talk asks us to label what we do all day.
When we meet someone, say at a cocktail party or school event, we learn what we have in common with our new friend. There is a desire to explain who we are and what we value, yet this is hard to do in bite-sized conversations. We engage in small talk, which is uncomfortable if you feel as though you have nothing small to talk about.
Our minds want to make sense of the world and so we have to put things in categories. It is hard to know what information to give someone if you don’t work outside of the home. We love our families, but who wants to hear about all the laundry?
Instead of answering it is tempting to deflect.
You might be overeducated for the work you currently do, so it twinges a bit when you have to answer a question like: “So, what do you do?” The first thing which pops into your mind is I am “just a” __________ (fill in the blank for whatever you do). Starting here, you already feel like you are back on your heels instead of standing tall and open-hearted. On a good day, you are quick with a response like Chauffer, Uber driver, or Referee in order to get a chuckle. But these answers do not give anyone a peek behind the curtain of the Spectacularness that is you.
Trying to respond to this question can bring tears to your eyes on a difficult day. Especially if you encounter the question’s good friend: “What did you do all day?” The monotony and mundane stand out in your mind rather than any sparks of brilliance. Taking inventory of the tasks accomplished: the driving, the sandwich making, the dry clean picking up, the conference call with the school psychologist, the vet appointment, and the telephone call with your mother-in-law. Looking over your day, there are no confetti gun moments. No pats on the back, no atta’ girl. It all just felt so very boring.
You were born to shine, right where you are.
You are not alone. It doesn’t have to be this way. You can have confidence when answering these questions if you do a little bit of sleuthing. You are doing great things, once you pull back and ponder it is easy to see.
We have an innate desire to connect with other people. God created us to live in community and communities form, in part, through conversation. While it is never good to worry about what people think about us, it is always a good idea to get better at making others feel included and connected. This starts when we reveal a little bit about ourselves by sharing what we do.
So, how do you shine if what you are currently doing seems boring and irrelevant?
You start by connecting the dots.
Learning to embrace your dot to dot life helps you move past the feelings of shame or embarrassment that previously bubbled up when you thought about your daily responsibilities/activities in light of what you “think” you should be accomplishing in a day.
daily life
is a
dot to dot
puzzle
Daily life is a dot to dot puzzle.
I loved dot to dot puzzles when I was little. It looked like chaos on the page before you start. Then, with time and patience as you hunted down the numbers, you drew a line between the dots. Unlike a jigsaw puzzle with a picture on the box, the image on the dot to dot was unknown in the beginning. But, as you do the work, a picture emerged.
In real life, the dot to dot process feels convoluted because our dots do not line up in a row. They are more like a good Waffle House breakfast: scattered and smothered.
Your daily dots consist of any number of things, your activities, past experiences, education, family of origin, work experience, volunteer roles, etc. When your dots don’t seem to have much in common you can feel discouraged and life can feel chaotic. Order and meaning are elusive. Pondering the quality and size of your dots, their lack of pattern might feel more like observing a jagged scoresheet from an archery tournament rather than experiencing a soul-stirring work of art.
Embracing your dots.
It is tempting to push back against the idea of labels and boxes by screaming, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!!!” Stereotyping is dangerous and discrimination is evil. Yet, we can’t escape the reality that we all need context and personal insight in order to connect with other people. We want people to walk away from an encounter with us and feel loved. It is difficult to do this if we are trying to earn our way into an invitation to sit at the cool kids table rather than reveal a little bit about the masterpiece God created.
Finding the thread that connects your dots gives you insight into the depths and beauty of the life you are currently living. Taking a bird’s eye view of your life helps you see things with the eyes of gratitude. At the very least, you won’t want to pull the fire alarm the next time someone asks you what you do all day.
“People will forget the things you do, and people will forget the things you say. But people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou”
If you are ready to connect the dots, here are
three questions to ask yourself:
What do I value? What is important to me?
What activities in my day/week/month reveal my belief in these values?
What personal qualities do I exhibit which receive positive feedback from others?
Create 3 columns and list as many things as you can in each column. Then, draw a line connecting the words in each column that are related. For instance, I value words and believe communication can positively impact other people. I spend a lot of my day writing. People tell me the words make a difference.
As you learn more about yourself, you will discover that your own dot to dot is radiant like it was created with glitter confetti rather than just plain grey dots.
I would love to hear what you think, how have you Connected the Dots in your own life?