Some moments stick to your soul.
It’s when you get the “before” and “after” sensation. Sometimes you recognize it in the moment. You drop a road marker and think, I need to come back and think about this later. Other times you recognize its significance as you glance in the rearview mirror.
These moments often shift our worldview. They can come cloaked in a diagnosis, a failure, or an accident. It might be a time when we wished we said or did something differently. Maybe we spoke too fast or stayed silent too long.
“Afters” are not always bad or tragic. Maybe you’re riding high after a promotion, a positive pregnancy test, or a proposal. The happy “afters” are fun to savor. The other kinds of “afters”, not so much.
Many of us avoid coming back to our road markers to revisit an event. Others circle the scene so often we have every detail memorized.
Photo by Will Norbury on Unsplash
Sometimes I hide.
I don’t know about you, but the significance of a painful moment or event escapes my attention when I race past it avoiding reflection.
When my mind is so focused on reaching the next goal or celebrating the next event— I miss the chance to give meaning to what just happened in my life. Without context, I often miswrite my own internal narrative leading me toward a not so happy ending.
We know life deals us events so painful we want to sweep them under the rug in our memory. We mistakenly hide from the pain thinking this will protect us from feeling all the feelings. As experts tell us- you can run but you cannot hide from your own story. Eventually, the pain will leak out and affect your mental and physical health.
You’ll recognize this hiding tendency in the times you skip over the thoughtful reflection questions in a discussion guide in favor of answering the questions with solid answers from the text.
Or, you answer the question in your mind unwilling to take the time to reflect on paper or share your answer.
Other times I Obsess.
There are some events in my life I could not let go of to save my life. I obsessed over every last detail wondering why a certain thing happened to me. I was quick to cast blame on someone else and slow to see the role I played in the events.
You’ll recognize this tendency in yourself if you find you’re having the same conversations over and over again with no resolution. You have a strong desire to find an audience so you can share your situation. When it comes time to share with others, you write reams on questions that ask for self-reflection naming every villain in your narrative.
Isolated.
If I hide or obsess, I ended up isolated.
Hiding, I don’t reflect on my own experiences and connect with others in their pain.
Obsessing, other people are overwhelmed by my neediness and negativity.
In either case, I miss connecting with other people.
There is another way to frame our circumstances allowing us to connect with other people.
Making sense of pain and tragedy.
Our minds want to make sense of what happens in our lives. God created us as meaning-making beings. The meaning I assign or fail to assign to an event can determine the trajectory of my life journey.
Left unexamined, I’m unaware of the power of my pain to spin a deep rut in my mind directing the course of my actions.
Overexamined, I blame others for not being able to forget or get over something. The blame metastisizes into shame as I overshare.
If you are like me and have a painful event that left a “before” and “after” mark in your life, there is a way to shine light and transform that story into something positively powerful.
missional moment
With prayer, pondering, and positive action, your “before” can be transformed into a powerful after. You can move from avoiding or obsessing toward a deeper connection with other people by seeing your “before” event as a Missional Moment.
What’s a Missional Moment?
It’s a moment God uses to change the direction of your life and reveal His love to the world in a unique way. God longs to transform your pain-filled event into moments that define your mission through Prayer, Pondering, and eventually Action.
You can move from avoiding or obsessing to helping others in need.
Practical Steps to mine meaning from your missional moment
Make a list of all of the events fitting in the category of “after this happened life was not the same”.
Pick one event that stands out the most in your list.
Answer this question in your journal or favorite notebook: What was my life after this event?
Next, journal this: Because of this event, there are positive changes in my life. What are those positive changes? What wisdom did I obtain, did I grow in virtue, meet new people, or discover a new personal strength?
Now, make a list of all the people who could benefit from this wisdom.
I’d love to know how this practice helps you, email me at Katie@KatieKibbe.com.