Kickball was one of my favorite games growing up. I felt powerful propelling the red ball through the air with a swift kick.
There are many things other than rubber balls that we kick down the road. All those “round to it” projects, the ones we tell ourselves we “should” be doing as good humans. These “shoulds” come in all shapes and sizes. It might be files to organize, doing your taxes, learning to play an instrument, or something as simple as writing a note.
For years I told myself I should create fabulous baby books for my children. I don’t know how I came up with the idea that perfect mothers have perfect baby books. What better way to project the perfect image, spotlighting the joy without having to mention the struggles?
These archival quality books would be the envy of their eventual spouses. They would include all of the scraps, baubles, and pictures I collected over the years and hoarded like toilet paper in a pandemic.
Shame gathers around the edges of the projects we put off.
My imaginary books were so fantastic that I was too intimidated to create them. I bought all I needed and waited for the window of opportunity to open so I could get started. As you can imagine, this day didn’t arrive when the children were little. So, everything was packed into boxes when we left Tennessee.
These boxes of treasures moved 4 more times and I made no progress.
In each house the boxes were easily accessible, just in case. I was busy with life and the baby books remained on the back burner. Each time we packed and unpacked, I promised myself this would be the year.
Season after season, the boxes went untouched. I felt increasingly anxious if I even thought about the unfinished project. Somehow it took on a life of its own and came to represent much more than just boxes of paper. My Inner Critic had a field day whenever I thought about them.
Do you have a project you put off because it seemed too big to start in the limited time you had available?
What about a change you wanted to make but new excuses crafted out of fear were the only change you saw up until now?
In an effort to finish my 20 year-old project, I decided that this Lent I should finally tackle these baby books. Ash Wednesday came and went, busyness remained my barrier.
Look at excuses veiled as perfectly reasonable reasons.
When everything cancelled, I realized my reasons for not getting to work on the books no longer held water. The reasons were merely excuses and I was tired. Tired of seeing the boxes. Tired of carrying around the negative emotions related to not measuring up to my internal image of perfection.
I could no longer claim that time was the reason for not starting. Brian Dixon’s voice telling me to “Stop should-ing all over yourself,” echoed in my head. I decided he was right. I needed to make a plan.
My excuses evaporated in the face of a cleared calendar.
Embrace doing something imperfectly
When I stopped should-ing and made a plan, I was shocked with the outcome.
The first step in my plan was to involve the children. I hope you are laughing at the irony. I was asking my young adults what they wanted in a baby book. This shows the level of imperfection I had to embrace.
Turns out, neither of them even cared if they had a baby book at all. They were fine with pictures in albums and shoe boxes, just as they were.
Abandon the Shame of Should.
Evaporating excuses liberated me.
Once I asked the question, I discovered I needlessly carried the “shame of should” around for years. But, I was only able to ask the question when I realized that lack of time was not really my problem, it was just an excuse.
Push past the fear of doing things differently than you imagined.
What have you been telling yourself you should do if you just had more time? What have you wanted to learn, try, or create if you only had more time?
Examine what your shoulds are and see what you are willing to abandon. This will liberate you to see tomorrow with hope and discover what you want to do.
Let go of what you have been telling yourself you should do
&
decide what you are going to do.
We each have a choice in how we handle the coming days, weeks, and months. We can take advantage of this opportunity and see it as a gift. Or. We can allow the chaos and uncertainty to discourage and defeat us.
Take the L.E.A.P
L. Look at your excuses.
E. Embrace doing something imperfectly.
A. Abandon the Shame of Should.
P. Push past your fear of doing things a different way.
This is a time unlike any we have ever experienced. A germ has spread around the globe affecting the lives of every single person in some way. My prayers remain with all of the brave souls who are on the front lines caring for the patients. My heart goes out to those who are isolated and grieving. But we can’t be paralyzed by fear and remain hostage to shame.
Now is the time to prepare ourselves to emerge from this stronger and more aware of our own unique purpose. Take the L.E.A.P. Let go of the Shame of Should and make a plan.
This might be your once in a lifetime opportunity to start something new, to learn or improve a skill, or begin to pray in the way your soul desires. When your grandchildren ask you what you did with this gift of time, what are you going to say?
If you are ready to take the next step, I would love to accompany you through the L.E.A.P. process. Click on the Work with Me tab at the top or email me at Katie@KatieKibbe.com for more information.